Punishment
by Kisaragi Yuu
Summary: [Chapter 2 uploaded: Ken] /No, I don't want to kill. No I don't want to be a murderer.../ Have you ever thought on killing somebody?
1. Silent Cry

Hmm... this is what it comes about when you watch Dark Angel, John Q and The Boondocks Saints in a row ^^; I'm sorry for the terrible angst, still I really hope for your comments since I'm planning on doing this on every Weiß and Schwarz. So... comments please? ^^ Warnings: angst, dark, seriousness (really...)  
Spoilers: full of spoilers, so if you haven't watched the anime maybe it's better to watch it first  
Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me, okay? 

**Punishment**  
Chapter 01: Silent Cry  
Kisaragi Yuu 

_No, I don't want to kill  
No, I don't want to be a sinner  
No, I don't want to see blood _

My parents were dead, my sister was in coma, and my life had reached the point with no return. I still could remember very clearly the first day I've became a member of the underworld. The day when I decided to become something that I never even dared to think about when I was young and naïve. 

That day, before I made my decision, I was still confused. And when I think about it now, maybe that time was the last chance that I could ever be survived from blood and death. As it is now too late. 

I looked to the face of a beautiful young girl, closing her eyes as like for an everlasting time. And her breath was so smooth and soft that I couldn't tell whether she was sleeping or dieing. I took a sit beside her white bed and I observed her face, every inch of it, every pixel of God's greatest creation, memorizing as much as I could into my brain. Since I knew that was the last chance I could ever met her without bearing any guilt. 

Hesitantly, I took her pale hand. It took me a lot of resistance not to just unplug the uncoloured cable that was buried deep under her skin—the only thing that made her look 'different' from the other girls her age. 

I dragged the slim, cold hand gently and paste it upon my lips. Then I stopped moving, so was the world. And the only thing that kept moving was the hand of the clock. Tic, toc, tic, toc. I savored the moment for awhile, as like it was the last time I'd ever had to meet her as 'me'. 

"Please, forgive me." I whispered next to her hand. "It's okay if you don't see me as your brother anymore, it's okay if you don't love me or care for me anymore, it's okay to forget me. But please... please, my dear sister, gain your happiness. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I love you." 

After done with my message to her, I put down the hand carefully and turned the other way round when suddenly something pulled my coat. I looked back, and I saw nothing. But I felt it. I really did. 

And I believed, until now, that it was my sister who did it to me. Just to show how much she didn't want me to leave. But I couldn't grant her wish, that was the first time I've ever disobeyed her completely. I smiled, then I went off to look for the victim. 

Night came without any hesitation. 

Armed with a knife, I hid behind the trash bags around the gang that the victim always used as a shortcut to go home. I waited for a moment, and then like what my investigation informed me, he walked peacefully there. I took a deep breath. 

_No, I don't want to kill_

It was one of the people that my father was against to. And he was also one of the reasons why my parents were killed. Anger spilled, revenge overtook me. I charged him and we both fell down, bumping to the ground. I was on top, and he was just right under me. His eyes were filled with fright, surprise, and desperation. 

_No, I don't want to be a sinner_

"Wha-? W-Who are you?!" 

"I'm the son of the Fujimiya family that you and your Takatori friends killed. Now I'm here to take my revenge." 

He gasped at that and started to buzz off, "p-please, don't kill me!! I will pay you as much as you want, you can take my wallet and briefcase and my Rolex watch if you want to but just don't kill me!!" he cried to me in full desperation. 

"If only your wallet, your briefcase and your Rolex watch can bring my family back to how they lived before, I would more than happy to take them." 

And with that I dragged my knife up and prepared to stab him on his heart. 

"No! I beg you!! I have children to take care of, my wife is waiting for me!! Please!!" 

I stopped at that, and I looked to the face of the man that became one of the group members that destroyed my life. A thought of how his wife and children looked like came across my mind. But they vanished as quick as they came, when they were replaced by the face of my comatose sister, the faces of my burnt to death parents... wait, they even didn't have faces anymore. 

"...why should I care, when you didn't care about me? Why should I spare your life, when you killed mine? You took everything from me, now be grateful because I don't take everything from you, just your life. Your worthless life." 

"NOO! Take away everything except my life!!" 

/I'd wish you take away my life but spare the rest of it.../

_No, I don't want to see blood_

My hand moved as fast as it could, and with the force that it could gain, it stabbed the man that ruined my life. Once. Twice. It kept stabbing as like it had a life on its own. Killing people was something new for me, it felt like stabbing a piece of meat but it had another feeling that couldn't be described in words. After some screams he stopped making any sound and died. 

I watched him dieing, I watched him stopped breathing with his eyes still opened widely. Blood spurted all over my hand, dirtied my clothes, pants, every outer garment I was wearing, and some red liquid splashed to my face. After 6 or 7 mad stabs, I stopped, and I froze. Right there. 

I had killed somebody. 

And I thought the feelings would be sad, angry, happy, relieved, regret, anything... but I felt nothing but emptiness. I was confused why I didn't feel anything when I killed for the first time. But now I know why. When I killed that man, I also killed my own feelings. I died that day, and I, who live and survive up until now is someone with no heart. A devil. A ghost. A murderer. I am everything, but human. 

Sure I can die, sure I can bleed, but no, I can't feel. I lost my smiles, I lost my sadness, only hatred, anger and avenge to a certain man remained still with me. 

Or maybe, long before Takatori destroyed my everything, I already had the potential of a heartless killer. That day, I stopped asking mercy from anyone and had everyone asking mercy from me instead. It was better to become the predator, then becoming the prey. 

Then, at the same night after I killed someone, I cleaned myself from the blood but not from the sin, and I went straight to the hospital to meet my one and only haven. Aya. My dear, beautiful sister. 

It was as like nothing happened, I took a sit next to her white bed like usual. And I smiled at her, but of course just like the older days, my reward was just a cold expressionless face heading back at me. I tried to touch her hand, but I scared if I did, then I would dirtied her innocence too. In later time I knew, that the bond between us had been broken. Replaced by a deep, bottomless dark pit between sinners and saints. 

And just as I thought, the touch in the afternoon was the last time I'd ever touched her again. 

Then I started to cry. I didn't know why, even until now, but tears trailed down with no mercy. Words kept revolving in my head, words like 'forgiveness', 'murderer', 'beasts', 'angels', 'salvation' and 'blood'. 

And that, also the last time I ever cried again. 

The End ~ Silent Cry / Aya 


	2. Betrayal

Warnings: angst, dark, seriousness (really...)  
Spoilers: full of spoilers, so if you haven't watched the anime maybe it's better to watch it first  
>Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz doesn't belong to me, okay? Punishment  
Chapter 02: Betrayal  
Kisaragi Yuu 

_Shattering glasses, trembling fingers  
I never wanted to be betrayed anymore  
Cold smirk, an ignorant girl just passes by  
I never wanted to be a murderer _

I was a happy boy, who lived in a happy family, and had a normal, happy life. Both of my parents were still alive, and they were very close to each other. Even in my very young age, it didn't take so much time to realize that father was a handsome man, with a body that every man would like to have and a minor job as a professional soccer coach in the J-League and a major job as a carpenter who was very famous within his region. He also had this fine watch that looked very manly on his wide, strong wrist.

Mother was very good at cooking, although I couldn't remember how did she look like, but the memory about her long, shiny brown hair that was always tied up in a loose tail remained in the corner of my childhood remembrance.

We weren't rich and our house wasn't big too, but we were happy. That was all it mattered. 

Until he came along and shattered our little dream life into drops of pieces—Kase. A betrayal from a friend, that led to another betrayal and another again and another again... until I reached the point where I couldn't take it anymore and shattered myself. 

Kase betrayed me in the J-League, but it wasn't so bad. Eventhough my name was dirtied but as time passed by, I was positive that the people would soon forget about it. And eventhough I wasn't worthy anymore to show my face in the J-League, but it was also something that I needed to look bright upon. I wasn't as weak as Kase thought I was. I was strong. 

But then, that betrayal was just the beginning. 

Mother was a lot weaker than father. She loved me, but she loved her good name and pride more. As much as I could stand the mocking of the community, she couldn't take it. Her image upon them was destroyed along my role in J-League. It explained of her departure. 

She betrayed me, and my father. 

Father didn't cry, but he became less and less emotional by days. His mental was becoming weak because no one supported it, and for once in my life, I felt myself as a burden to father. 

He became more and more thin, we moved out from the little dream house to an apartment. Father stopped coaching soccer and he was out of business. Still he tried to be positive, smiley and happy. It was the enormous spirit that he showed to me, that kept me going on until now. 

I learned about 'real life' when I was 17. I was forced to see the world in its true form, before knowing anything. 

I learned that love, wasn't as sweet as all those movies and romance novels always described. Love was like a two-headed sword, it could become the source of your strength, and also the source of your misery. It could heal the wounds of heart, and leave a soul deep inside a dark corner, abandoned forever. Just as like what happened to my father. 

And I also learned that sometimes, eventhough you tried your best and extended your hope into the highest ranking, things didn't always turn the way you wanted it to. Things would get ugly. Things would start to betray all your plans and tried to hurt you deep inside. 

At least that happened to me. 

My father, who was still trying to be positive, smiley and happy eventhough the road in front of him was already covered with fog and just led to a dead end, didn't get it the way he wanted it to be. He wanted to be able to keep me in school, to see me getting a girlfriend and introduce her to him, to see me led a life that wasn't near the same with his. He wanted me to be success in my life, and live happily. 

One day, he came home after his new job, which as a cashier in a supermarket, he felt something was very wrong with his head. He didn't smoke, and he drank in a very small amount of beers. But as his headache became more and more serious, he started to forget about things. 

At first it was little things that shouldn't be worried about, then it was our telephone number, then it was my birthday. He couldn't even remember my mother's name anymore. As things got worse, I took him to the nearest clinic whose owner I've already known for quite some time. He did some research on my father, and he claimed that my father had a severe brain cancer. 

He told me, my father was in an extreme level of seriousness and he needed an operation as fast as he could. As soon as he declared that, I went off very quickly. 

I took the taxi, but then it was Saturday night when every street in Tokyo was jammed. It was raining that night, and I carried my old man on my back and ran to the hospital as fast as I could. 

When I reached there, it was about 11 PM or so. With all the money that I've saved, I came to the receptionist and told the nurse there that my father needed a brain operation as quick as he could. I couldn't forget the nurse's mimic. 

She was looking at me as like it was nothing serious. Then she said to me that the brain surgery doctor had already came home, he came home earlier that day because he had a meeting with his friends in a bar. Aghast was what painted my face. I ran to the parking lot, in hope that the doctor haven't had leave the hospital and I saw him there, kissing a nurse as he opened the door of his black Porsche. 

I hurried to him and I started to babble about the condition of my father and I didn't care if I had to owe him a life if only he would operate my father. After getting caught in the rain, he became weaker and somehow, somehow I realized that if he wasn't taken care of quickly, I might lose him. 

He asked me whether I have registered my name or not, and I said no because I was such in hurry and it really didn't matter now. But then he started to explain all this sickening procedure that had to be taken and stuff, while my father was dieing on my back. I couldn't help myself but became very furious to this man. 

I begged him to operate my father, but he mentioned about his friends that were waiting in the bar and about the damn procedure and also about he couldn't operate something very serious that quickly since he needed the tool and all those stuff. 

And then he took off, leaving me alone with my father on my back eventhough I begged him over and over again and banged on his car doors. 

I've lost my faith at that night. 

"K-Ken... it's okay... let's go back to our apartment and-" 

"No! I will NOT let you die, please hang on with me okay?!" 

As I ran out again in the middle of the night, back to the clinic, I could feel him smiling next to my back. He started to whisper words. 

"Ken, you are a big son now... I'm so proud of you." 

"Father, you taught me how to be strong. You've taken care of me since the day I was born, now I will take care of you for the rest of my life. So please, stay with me okay? Do you hear me??" 

"Aa... hey son... after all this stuff, would you make a pancake for me? I'm dieing for one... your mother used to make it with her special applesauce... hey maybe we could try that too... and then, we could make pancakes, bring a ball and went to the park where I used to teach you soccer... then..." 

"...y-yes father?" my voice was trembling, tears started to fall on my cheeks as I kept running. Damn, the clinic was almost 3 kilometers far from the hospital. But I couldn't take any bus or taxi, the streets were still jammed at this kind of hour. This was Tokyo. 

"...then we could have a picnic... just between father and son picnic... I want to see you play soccer again... that's the scene where I love you the most..." 

"Of course, we will bake pancakes together, then we can always go to the park and eat them until we burst to death, I'll do whatever you say, I'll go back to soccer, I'll become strong as much as you are. I will never care about those people who only look from the inside and judge without knowing the truth... I'll make you very proud of me. I promise." 

"Hehe... I *am* already very proud of you... God, I'm really tired... wake me up when you arrive in the clinic, okay son?" 

"Yes, I understand. Go to sleep, I'll wake you up later." 

"I love you, Ken... no matter what, I'll always love you... remember that." 

A smile, that soon faded as I felt him went into a sleep on my back. I realized that the strong wrist that used to fit that watch a lot had soon became thinner and looking lifeless. 

I held back tears that overflowed my eyes, as my legs were starting to scream, begging me stop, but I didn't stop. I couldn't even feel the pain anymore. I kept running, running with all of my might until I reached the clinic that was still opened at that time. I burst in. 

"Tanaka-sensei!! The hospital wouldn't take my father for a long story, I need you to save him now!" 

"K-Ken-san??" the 52-year old man got up from his seat and promptly spilled his coffee on his white coat, which was soon ignored by all of us. "What the hell happened to you?! You are soaked wet!" 

"I have no time to explain, here" I put down my father on the small white bed that was already prepared in the clinic and headed to the exit, "I'll be going to our apartment first, I'll take a bag and pack things up for him." 

"Ken-san." 

"Do you think I need to bring some food too? Maybe I should run to the supermarket too. I hope they are still open. Please take care of my father when I'm away, okay Tanaka-sensei? I'm counting on-" 

"Ken-san!" 

There were so many things in my mind that I didn't pay much attention that the doctor was calling my name. After he raised his tone at that, I froze. 

"Ken-san... all those things that you mentioned are not necessary anymore..." 

"Wh-? What-? What do you mean?" 

_Shattering glasses, trembling fingers_

I hurried to the doctor, and I took a step forward to my father who lay motionlessly on the white bed, with all of his body and clothes drenched due to the heavy rain. I looked at him, he didn't look at me. He closed his eyes. But I could see him smiling. 

"Ken-san... your father is-" 

"No." 

"Ken-san, he's-" 

No!" 

"Ken-san!" 

"No! No! NOOO!! He was just talking to me, he said that he wants me to bake pancakes for him, and then tomorrow we'll go to a park to picnic, and there he will observe me playing soccer just for him! He said—he said that..." 

Tanaka-san held me tight. 

But of course, rationality was something that a person had to deal with. As much I wanted him to be alive and be able to go to the picnic to eat pancakes in the park by tomorrow, I had to accept the truth that for the third time of my life, I was betrayed. In a kind of way. 

_I never wanted to be betrayed anymore_

I cried and I cried, hoping, wishing, praying for a miracle to set upon me, but as I had learnt before... real life wasn't a sweet candy. Something deep inside me was taken bits by bits since the day that Kase turned me down, and then something deep inside me left when my mother abandoned me. 

And then again, something deep inside me died that night. 

_Cold smirk, an ignorant girl just passes by_

Then as like moving on my own legs, I pushed the arms that held me gently and walked outside. 

"Where do you want to go...?" 

I paused at the question and asked myself the very same thing. "Out." 

Tanaka-san said nothing at that and just put a hand on his lips, as like trying to stop me from something that I might regret later, but he didn't do it anyway. And that was the last time I've ever seen him—or my father's dead body, again. I was assured that Tanaka-san would take care of my father. 

I went to the bar after I forced the nurse in the receptionist desk to give me the address. When I arrived, I saw the black Porsche that looked very familiar and I tore off the tires. I took a bottle of an empty beer, crashed it to the wall, and made myself a weapon. 

After several hours of waiting, the doctor came out. He was drunk, but luckily he departed with his friends and went to the car alone. 

When he reached his car, he was surprised at the tires. "What the-" 

I walked quietly until I reached his back, and I almost stabbed it when he saw my reflection on the glasses of the Porsche. He ducked but I managed to wound his shoulder. He cried at that as he fell down to the ground. 

"Y-You are...?!" 

"And you don't even remember me..." 

I took the crashed bottle and brought it up when he stopped me, "B-but why?! Please don't kill me! I'm a doctor! I can save your life!! I saved many lives too!!" 

"Why... you ask?" 

My father smiling face was painted all over my head. 

"I begged you, but you ignored me. I asked for your hand but you didn't even extend it to me. Now pay, for the life that you had sacrificed in order to have a little time of pleasure will never be returned. You took one thing precious for me... but what you didn't know, he was the only thing I have too." 

"B-but-!" 

_I never wanted to be a murderer_

I stabbed him right upon his heart, which killed him instantly. Blood didn't taint me, but I felt like it reached to me and filled my heart with sins and demonic wings. I stood in front of the man that I killed, and I felt sadness crept upon me. Sadness, why? 

Because I had killed somebody? No. Because I had let my father die? No. Because I had been betrayed for an uncountable times? No. 

But because the last betrayer in my life was my own self. I betrayed myself, I betrayed my father, and I betrayed my life. I've made a turning point with no return. 

/Forgive me, father./ 

I took off from that place as the bottle that kept dripping blood remained still in my hand—gripped to its fullest. I imagined our happy days and the dream that my father wanted so much to be real, to have a nice pancake picnic in the park as I showed off my soccer ability in front of him. It was as simple as that. 

And it was the only thing mattered. 

The End ~ Betrayal / Ken 


End file.
